35 Best Funny Valentine's Day Quotes That'll Keep You in Stitches

It's that time of year when love is in the air. But sometimes the Valentine's Day spirit can be a little...in your face. Your social media feeds are likely blowing up with Valentine's Day captions, photos of couples holding hands and romantic weekend getaways. If all of this brings a sappy smile to your face, no judgment here! Embrace the season of romance and click through our lovey-dovey collection of Valentine's Day quotes. But maybe you're fresh off a breakup and need to wallow in your feelings for a little while, and you would rather focus on sad love quotes or broken heart quotes. But when you've gotten through those, it's time to look to the future. We've found the cure to a broken heart: laughter, in the form of the best funny love quotes. Perhaps your relationship status is happily single, or you're in a committed relationship but still here for the laughs. Or maybe you're the snarky kind of person who can't help but roll your eyes every time the Valentine's Day jewelry store commercials come on. Well, guess what? You're in luck. It's okay to laugh at love—because sometimes, as these quotes prove, love is just plain funny. (Check out our Valentine's Day puns and cute love quotes too!)


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King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea."

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Garry Shandling
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me."

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Rita Rudner
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

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Charles Schulz
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

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Vivian Ward, 'Pretty Woman'
“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.”

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Helen Fielding, 'Bridget Jones's Diary'
“Can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.”

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Agatha Christie
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”

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Pauline Thomason
“Love is blind—marriage is the eye-opener.”

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Jim Baker, 'Sixteen Candles'
“That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.”

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Phoebe Buffay, 'Friends'
“It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life...you can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, holding claws.”

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Jack Handey
“Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. NOW who’s asking the questions?”

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Will Ferrell
“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”

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Michael Scott, 'The Office'
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

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Dax Shepard
“A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.”

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Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

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Chelsea Peretti
“If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji—no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.”

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Mindy Kaling
“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.”

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Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”

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Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.”

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Jerry Seinfeld
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.”

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Dolly Parton
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.”

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Lucille Ball
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.”

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Tim Allen
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.”

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Elizabeth Taylor
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.”

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Phyllis Diller
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.”

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Cher
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.”

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Charles Schulz
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”

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Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!”

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George Wade, 'Two Weeks Notice'
“I find you...annoying.”

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Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.”

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source - https://www.countryliving.com/life/g30431866/funny-love-quotes/